The EX-Effect

If you have every been in a relationship, then you have an ex. Until you have only been in one and
you guys are still together of course. How much the ex-factor can affect your life is depending on the details of the relationship. How long were you two together? How did you two split up? Was it an amicable break or not?

Recently I was watching a show called "The X-Effect" in which a show puts individuals who were exs on a date. At the end, they have to choose between their ex and their current bf/gf. It really interests me to see what happens at the end. What I want to know is, why do people go back to their ex? Do they feel like things have changed? Or the person changed? Or is it they want to see what may have happened if they never gave up on it.

I have been in the position to rekindle an old flame. But in retrospect I realized that whats done is done and there is no need to try and revisit past mistakes. I feel like mistakes are meant to be learned from, not repeated. It is just my thoughts, I have friends that go back to their exs all the times. And things just repeat. This is just what I do not understand.

Birds of a Feather Flock Together, but Opposites Attract

They say that opposites attract. They also say that birds of a feather flock together. When broken down in terms of what they mean, you get a bit of more understanding of what they both mean. They both are related to relationships between the people and why they connect, but they deal with different type of relationships.

When you hear "Bird of a feather flock together", you think about friendships. They say people of a
similar nature who share a similar personality will always find each other. This idiom has some truth behind it. People do choose friends based on traits that they mutually share. But the one thing to wonder is, can you really base how a person is by the company they keep. Can a person be completely different than their friends but yet still enjoy their company? It can and does happen. Just because someone has a friend with foolish tendencies, does not mean they will too. 

When they saw opposites attract, they most likely are referring to a romantic relationship. People say
that people of different qualities attract someone that is opposite of them. The idiom is a reflection of two magnets. Poles of the opposite field attract each other. The positive attracts the negative and vice versus. This is used to show how and why odd couple are created. How people of two different backgrounds, etc. can come together and form one couple.

Each phrase holds some truth. And each one holds its falsities. It is also seen how they relate and how they are used opposingly. It all depends how the person is using the phrase.

He Say, She Say, What do WE say?

Gossip. We've all done it, experienced it, and have been affected by it. My junior year of high school I even did a documentary on it. It really takes a toll on relationships and the people in it. Friendships and romantic relationships already has trials within the two people, add the hearsay of others and that is when things get really complicated.

It can be really trying to maintain a personal relationship when outsiders have so many things to say about it. And when you hear things, do you jump to conclusions or try to work things out? It really depends on the subject and severity of the gossip that one hears that determines the reaction. Did your friends tell you they saw your significant other with someone else? Was this someone else a person you know you do not want them around? Or did you hear that your friend is talking about you behind your back? Was information spread something you know you only told them?

People will always talk. None of us can help it. It happens. Things come up, and sometimes things slip. At the time you say things, most of the time it doesn't seem that bad. Run it thru the rumor mill several times and it gets ugly. Always remember to *woosahh* and take it to the person. If it is someone you trust, you shouldn't let talk of others get in the way of it. Address the situation calm and collected and make sure you get facts right before jumping to conclusions. And do this as soon as possible. The longer you let things fester, the longer you feel some type of way about it.

So many friendships and relationships are ruined by gossip. If it means anything to you, do what you need to to solve the problem.

What About Your Friends?

We love our friends. Our friends love us. They are the ones in we trust and continuously look to for approval and agreement. They are mostly likely always around us and the ones who have the most influence on us. So what happens when your significant other does not approve of your friends? And what happens when your friends do not get along with your significant other?

This is a dilemma known to many and solved by few. It really is an interesting concept to consider. On each side you have two people that you care for dearly. Of course you would want the most important people in your life to get along right? I believe the situation to this problem is unique to each situation.

One must come to terms with why they do not get along. If it is something as simple as miscommunication between the two, then a fix is order. If it is something more complicated, like a more detailed history between the two, then you would have to come to realization that the conflict has nothing to do with you.

Have you ever been in a situatio
n where your S.O. and your friend(s) did not get along? If so, what was the issue and what did you do to fix it? Were you even able to fix it? How did you handle the conflict?

Is Chivalry Dead?

This question had been posed so many times in today's society, has chivalry died? If so, who killed it? I have a outlook on both these questions.

Chivalry in its rawest definition: The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.

These days, young men seemed to have lost site of the aspect of "courting." They want sexual

relations as soon as they can get and cannot even fathom why they must but effort into getting it. Opening doors, actually getting to know someone, paying for dates, etc. are not event expected anymore. If a girl gets all of that, kudos to them, but its not in the requirements. But why is that?

I do not believe that chivalry is dead, I just believe it is on the verge of extinction. Who is killing it off? In my honest opinion, females are. What most females have yet to understand is a guy will do all that you allow him to do. If you raise your standards and expectations, a man will have to rise up to meet them. If you accept what they offer, even if you know you are worth more, you are agreeing that that is what you deserve.

They say every girl wants their knight in shining armor, but that's not all the way true. Every girl just wants to be treated like the world. But it is up to them to demand the respect they utterly crave. If chivalry is ever to make the immense comeback it deserves, it is truly up to women to recognize the need for them bring it back.

What is Loyalty?

Loyalty:  

1. A feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection
2. A feeling of faithfulness or allegiance

Contemplating on these definitions, how can one be truly loyal? Loyalty has always been a big issue in any relationship, whether friendship, romantic, or business. People have their own definitions of

loyalty, as well with their own portrayals on how it should be. So if loyalty is different to everyone, how can one live up to them all? And how you can expect someone to live up to a standard you yourself does not hold.

Growing up I was known as a "social butterfly," meaning that I just floated to each group/clique. I never really had one of my own. It was a given that some groups did not like each other, with whatever reason they had. I was never in tuned with the "hate by association" thing that seemed to be so popular. I believed in loyalty, yes, but I did not feel that it was necessary to dislike someone simply because my friend did. Some may disagree, and say loyalty means we have the same enemies. 

So in dealing with relationships of the friendship and romantic variety, whats constitutes disloyalty? Cheating, backstabbing, breaking of trust, etc.....sounds about right. But here's a question that I never got an answer to: Can you have two people in your life, who do not care for each other, and be loyal to both? Do you have to choose between the two to be truly loyal? 

The way I always dealt with this situation is simple: when I am with one, we do not speak on the other. How I mean this is: its A-Okay if you do not like my other friend, but you WILL NOT sit there and disrespect them in front of me, we will even even speak about them if you have nothing positive to say. That is how I define my loyalty. No one should feel comfortable blatantly disrespecting someone who you are close to. My Thoughts.

I do feel that some people take the loyalty to the EXTREMES. And this cause strife in certain situations. But all in all, loyalty is important in life, love, and relationships.

Is Love Color Blind?

About half of Americans have said they have dated someone of the opposite race. While current generation is becoming more and more accepting of interracial couples, the pool of people dating interracially is uneven.

What factors determine whether or not someone would date someone not in their race? Well, the race of the individual is the the prevalent factor. The most least likely couple match is blacks and whites. Latinos and Asians are the most likely to engage in an interracial relationship. Studies show that youth from higher income families are less likely to date the opposite sex. This same statistic is reversed in Latinos. Better-off Latinos are more likely to interracially date than less affluent Latinos.

A majority of the people who are willing to interracially date are products of interracial love themselves. While its being more accepted, a lot of them rarely feel comfortable showing PDA in public. It is also more less likely that the relationship will end in marriage. Even with that statistic, interracial marriages are increasing.

I feel like America is a melting pot, and that is how it should be. Stigmas on interracial dating are highest in America while other cultures do not care as much. People should love love, not try to discredit it based off race. I support it. I endorse it. I embrace it.One should be comfortable with someone if they are in love. Love should be colorblind. Because Love is Love.

Unrequited Love

Every have that one person that caught eye, then captured your heart? That one who makes your heart flutter and blood run hot? Have you ever felt like you found the one you been looking for? Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been in love with someone who did not feel the same? There you have, unrequited love.

Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affections.

To be in this situation is one of great strife and heartache. How does one stay in a situation knowing that all that you feel is only what you feel.

This situation can occur in two ways: the other person has no idea, or they do but do not feel the same.  Either way it up to the person to go in and evaluate the situation and do what is best for themselves. If you see that the situation is causing internal heartache, its best to separate yourself from the situation.

Trust Issues

What is Trust? According to Webster, trust is an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. With that said, is it possible to hold a strong relationship with someone when you are not sure on their character or word?

Any relationship, whether it be amicable, business, love or etc. should be based off trust. Its a foundation for which gives any relationship to grow, to prosper, and to develop into something real. How can you have something real if you do not even believe that the someone you are trying to build it with is real? Or, are they real but you can not come to the belief that they are real?

Trust issues really cause a weakness in a relationship. It can really tear apart what two people have potential to have. Many trust issues come from past relationships. Past betrayals in friendships, romantic relationships, or business relationships can truly hinder how a person sees everyone. They say that the worst part about betrayal is that it never comes from an enemy. When such situations happen, people like to shut everyone out for fear of being hurt, or repetition of a past situation.  

My take on trust issues, while everyone has their reservations about opening up and trusting people, one should always start off on a clean slate. Give someone a chance instead of always dismissing people. You could be missing out on your blessing!

Are Titles Necessary?

What defines a relationship? The title or the people within it? Because people fail to consider this question is where the battle truly comes from. Thats what a title does right? Define a relationship? So why are so many people afraid to come out and define the relationships for which they are in? My answer: Responsibility. With a title, comes the responsibility for which that title possess.

The generation we live in have become so complacent and at ease with just going with the flow. They
feel the same for relationships they are. "It is what it is", "We don't need to define this", "Titles messes things up" are all phrases used to counteract a partner's need for a definition of what the two posses between themselves. And why is this? I simply feel it is because people are simply afraid of the responsibility of possessing a title. Honestly, it is not even the title that ruin things. The expectations people have once a title is placed is what causes the issues.

So....whats the person of a title anyway? One word: Security. People, me included, like to know what they are getting into, what they need to expect, and how to react to certain situations. If we're just friends, we're just friends. But if we are involved, we are not just friends. We're not "just cool" or "just hanging out." Inviting the term "boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband, etc." comes with being seclusive, commitment, and security.

If things have evolved to a certain level and a partner is convinced that its time to define things, and the other should not, what to do here? Honestly, the answer to the necessity of titles belongs to the people who decide to engage in a relationship. If the two are both happy, then that is on them. Most
times the requirement of a title comes from trying to prove something to society and the people around us. At the end of the day, do whats comfortable for YOU. Look at Oprah, she's been with her mate Stedman for over 20 years and have proclaimed she will never be married. Her mate Stedman is okay with it, and their happy. Isn't that all that matters?

To each its own. 

[It may not be titles that causes the issues in relationships] It’s the change that occurs in individuals because of their perspective on what the title means that causes issues”
Read more at http://necolebitchie.com/2009/09/18/do-titles-screw-up-a-relationship/#L7cTFxEuAJhLbpM4.99

It may not be titles that causes the issues in relationships] It’s the change that occurs in individuals because of their perspective on what the title means that causes issues
Read more at http://necolebitchie.com/2009/09/18/do-titles-screw-up-a-relationship/#L7cTFxEuAJhLbpM4.99

It may not be titles that causes the issues in relationships] It’s the change that occurs in individuals because of their perspective on what the title means that causes issues
Read more at http://necolebitchie.com/2009/09/18/do-titles-screw-up-a-relationship/#L7cTFxEuAJhLbpM4.99

It may not be titles that causes the issues in relationships] It’s the change that occurs in individuals because of their perspective on what the title means that causes issues
Read more at http://necolebitchie.com/2009/09/18/do-titles-screw-up-a-relationship/#L7cTFxEuAJhLbpM4.99

It may not be titles that causes the issues in relationships] It’s the change that occurs in individuals because of their perspective on what the title means that causes issues
Read more at http://necolebitchie.com/2009/09/18/do-titles-screw-up-a-relationship/#L7cTFxEuAJhLbpM4.99

It may not be titles that causes the issues in relationships] It’s the change that occurs in individuals because of their perspective on what the title means that causes issues
Read more at http://necolebitchie.com/2009/09/18/do-titles-screw-up-a-relationship/#L7cTFxEuAJhLbpM4.99

It may not be titles that causes the issues in relationships] It’s the change that occurs in individuals because of their perspective on what the title means that causes issues
Read more at http://necolebitchie.com/2009/09/18/do-titles-screw-up-a-relationship/#L7cTFxEuAJhLbpM4.99

Social Media within Relationships

Social Media is gradually invading people's lives. It has taken the way we communicate with each to new heights and new lows. It has especially had an impact on how we come together in the real world. Because social media is so fast and instant, people often take the easy road out when communicating. It is also such easy access into people's lives. This creates problems in everyday life and especially in romantic relationships.

You are tweeting or posting random thoughts on the web and suddenly, your ex responds to it. Not thinking about it, you reply back. Suddenly you find yourself engaged in a full, public conversation for everyone to see. Your current significant other sees it and is infuriated. What do you do? How do you explain? This is only an example of one of the many problems that can occur.  Social media fuels jealousy simply because things can become misconstrued over the web. A like on Instagram. A Retweet on Twitter. A Post on the Facebook Wall. All these open forms of communication heightens insecurities that may already lie within the relationship.

People also let so much of their live be publicized on social media, that there's no privacy left. And for the ones that choose not to post every little thing, their significant other has doubts on the seriousness of their relationship. Discretion is looked at as being secretive or sneaky. "Why wont you update your relationship status?" "Why don't you want to post a picture of us?" These are things that get asked when one chooses not to show the world wide web about their life.

Social media can cause much harm to a relationship depending on the people participating. It is really up to the people to be mature adults when involving social media in their relationships. It takes trust, responsibility and compromise to really look past all the woes social media can bring to the table.

Platonic Relationships

Platonic Relationships

Do they really exist?

A discussion that I have had on several occasions. The answer is still unclear. Some say it is possible, others say it is not. Many say its situational. At the end of the day I don't think there is a person out there who has not had a friend that they wished could be more. But does this mean that this is the case in ALL situations? Maybe, maybe not.

They say the best relationships start off as friendships.While I believe this to be true, does every friendship have to develop into a relationship? Studies show that the majority of cross-sex friendships develop after failed romantic pursuit. With that said, how can people truly be 'just friends' if at one point at least one person wanted it to be a relationship. In my opinion, I feel like the status of each friendship is very situtional.

Having a wide range of male friends, each one is different. I have some that I never liked, and I feel have never liked me (to my knowledge at least). I have a few that I have liked in the past. Some of the feelings I grew of, some of them are still there. And I have some thut oat I have never liked but I know have liked me. It really does depend on how the friendship started and how each other feels about one another.

Theres is something I wonder. We are quick to label people as best friends, brothers, sisters, etc. But if you think about it, are we lying to ourselves with these titles? Is it really possible to spend so much time with someone of the opposite sex that you have much in common with and not feel a type of way about them? Do we use this to hide the hinge of jealousy we feel when we see them with someone else?

Just remember three things, you can't be friends if: you are physically attracted to them, you are romatically interested in them, or they can make you jealous by anything they do.